The Stoic HypnotistA friend announces a promotion, and you smile while feeling a twist in your stomach. You scroll past someone's holiday photos and feel your own life shrink a little. A colleague gets praised for work you think was ordinary. Envy is one of the most common and least discussed emotions, partly because we're ashamed of it.
The Stoics took envy seriously. They saw it as a disturbance of the mind that steals contentment and poisons relationships. They also offered practical ways to loosen its grip. Here's what they suggested.
What envy is
Envy is the pain we feel at someone else's good fortune, often combined with a wish that we had it instead, or even that they didn't. It's different from admiration, which can inspire us, and from healthy ambition, which motivates us to grow. Envy tends to make us feel smaller, resentful, and stuck.
It's also very human. Comparing ourselves with others is something the mind does automatically. My post on the comparison trap explains why.
Why envy hurts us
- It steals contentment. Whatever we have feels less valuable when we're focused on what others have.
- It damages relationships. It's hard to celebrate with someone you secretly resent.
- It distorts perception. We see others' highlights and compare them with our own everyday struggles.
- It keeps us passive. Envy often produces bitterness rather than action.
The Stoic view
Envy is a judgment
For the Stoics, envy, like other troubling emotions, comes from a mistaken judgment: that someone else's possessions, status, or success are truly good, and that lacking them makes us worse off. If we judge differently, the envy loses its fuel.
External goods are not the true good
The Stoics believed that wealth, fame, status, and possessions are "indifferents": they can be preferable, but they don't make anyone good or bad. The only true good is virtue, the quality of our character. Since virtue is available to everyone, there's no need to envy anyone's external fortune.
Epictetus made this point with characteristic bluntness. If someone is honored at a banquet and you aren't, he said, remember that they paid a price for that honor, perhaps flattery or attendance on powerful people. If you're not willing to pay that price, you can't expect the reward. And you still have something they gave up: you didn't flatter anyone.
Everything has a cost
Behind every success we envy, there's a price we don't see: long hours, sacrifices, stress, or compromises. When envy arises, a Stoic question is: "Would I really want the whole package, including what it cost?" Often, the answer is no.
Practical ways to loosen envy's grip
1. Name it without shame
Simply acknowledging "I'm feeling envious" takes away some of its power. Envy is a normal human emotion, not a moral failure.
2. Ask what it's telling you
Sometimes envy points to something you genuinely want. If you envy a friend's creative career, maybe you want more creativity in your own life. Treat envy as information, then ask what you could do about it. My post on visualization for goals can help.
3. Count what you have
The Stoics practiced gratitude deliberately. Seneca and Marcus both encouraged reflecting on what we already have, and imagining losing it, to appreciate it more. My post on Stoicism and gratitude explores this.
4. Celebrate others
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but genuinely congratulating someone tends to soften envy. Each time you do it, you practice seeing others' success as something good, not a threat.
5. Limit the triggers
If social media regularly stirs up envy, consider limiting your use or curating your feed. My post on breaking the phone habit has practical ideas.
6. Focus on your own path
The Stoics emphasized running your own race. Marcus reminded himself not to waste time thinking about what others were doing, but to focus on his own conduct. Comparison with your past self is usually more useful than comparison with others.
Envy and self-worth
Envy often runs strongest when our sense of worth depends on how we measure up. Building self-worth based on your values and character, rather than on achievements and possessions, makes envy less painful. My post on hypnotherapy for self-esteem explores this.
Where hypnotherapy fits
Envy can be deeply ingrained, tied to old beliefs about not being good enough or not having enough. Hypnotherapy can help at that deeper level. In a relaxed state, we can work with the beliefs underneath envy, calm the stress response it triggers, and rehearse responding to others' success with genuine goodwill.
All sessions are held online over Zoom, and you receive a recording to practice with. You can read more on my page about hypnosis for self-improvement or see options on the sessions page. Contentment, the Stoics believed, comes from wanting what you have and becoming who you want to be.